The Silent Tears

I have known for months that
This day would come and inside
My mind I prepared myself, but
My heart kept pushing it away...

Avoiding the inevitable...

So with almost no time left,
The pain wells up inside of
Me so bad that it goes beyond
A mere heartbreak...

Holding back the tears, as I lie in
the bed at night, turning away,
Hoping no one would catch me crying...

You would never know what it is I feel-
It would do no good to tell you because
It would not change how things are or
How things will be...

And yet it is I find myself saying
"I love you" under my breath,
Almost constantly...

It will get worse before it will get
Better, but with what I know and what
I have known, I cannot see beyond the
Pain that lingers in my heart, and
I am left wondering, will I ever know
Any other feeling...

Love without pain, love without loss,
I cannot fathom such a feeling yet
I long for it with you...

And that longing is like a thousand deaths.
And as I long to be released from that pain,
I know it will never happen because to be
Released from that pain would mean being released
From you, and the pain of that is death in itself...

So for the time I have left I will lie in
the darkness, hiding the pain that wells up
Inside and the pain that accompanies holding
Back the tears, and hope and pray no one
catches me with those tears in my eyes...

The tears in my eyes that come from loving you.